You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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