Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
