u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your dad touched me again.
Small penises have feelings too.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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