Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
