So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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