Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
