Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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