the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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