Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
