May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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