Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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