After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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