btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
