i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
