the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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