Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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