He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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