i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
