I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
