I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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