My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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