He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
