Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
