shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
