Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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