Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
