whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize