Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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