I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you made out with another girl for some wings
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
