Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
