She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
