So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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