You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
