I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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