she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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