I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize