I think my fart just growled at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
