Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
