It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
