Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
