Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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