Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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