omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize