What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
