New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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