Just fell off a train. Bad.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
