Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
