I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I lost the right to judge tonight
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
