I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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