Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
