3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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