You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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