Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
