so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
