kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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