I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
