Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
