I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
