yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
