how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
