just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
