dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
