I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is the high leading the old right now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You made out with two different species that night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
