he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
