I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize