oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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