just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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