I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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