As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize