Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I supernannyed him into submission
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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