Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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