just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
