I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize