I puked a lego.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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