No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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